In Lieu of Flowers

I was reading obits recently and I saw the phrase 'in lieu of flowers' and it got me to thinking.  I've seen children's parties as well, where we've been instructed not to bring gifts for the child but rather bring a gift to give away to someone unknown - and I was wondering what it would be like to be a child whose parents instructed friends not to give a gift, grow into an adult who was too busy to be given a gift, and then to pass away and have their loved ones instruct not to give flowers in memory of.  How many times do we miss showing someone they matter?  Is 'giving' to the people closest to you an expression of love?  What is it about abundance that makes us uncomfortable? Can we give flowers and make a donation?  Even in little moments throughout the day - when we can 'give' by making a sweet comment or gesture.  I often wonder how many times we miss telling someone they did something wonderful - because we think someone else will.  I'm interested to know how people handle 'in lieu of'.